Oh shit, the database at work just went Spartan on me!
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“There is a reason why car salesmen are ascribed such notoriety in modern lore: They are slimy, scaly fucking dragons among men. … Understand this: You really are not dealing with a human being. This will be difficult to discern sometimes. Car salesmen (yes, most ARE male) are suspiciously well groomed and have green eyes that sparkle hypnotically no matter what their perceived ethnic background. Car salesmen share a complex secret handshake that, like it or not, you could never reproduce in a million tries. They get away with silly, inexplicable, offensive things like drinking vermouth on ice and calling women “sweet titty face,” and their sweat naturally smells like Cool Water by Davidoff. Their faux designer suits look eerily like real designer suits.”
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“Fools!” said West, his clenched fist striking the lectern before him. “We must prepare today’s youth for a world whose terrors are etched upon ancient clay tablets recounting the fever-dreams of the other gods—not fill their heads with such trivia as math and English. Our graduates need to know about those who lie beneath the earth, waiting until the stars align so they can return to their rightful place as our masters and wage war against the Elder Things and the shoggoths!”
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Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis and Jon Hamm
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“While the Clan is generally associated with tales of conquest, slaughter, and ‘bringing da motherfuckin’ ruckus,’ it must also be noted that its members were prolific lovers who expanded the empire by sowing their seed all across the country,” Tinsley said. “Who knows, perhaps my very own children are direct descendants of Ghostface Killah” … “Still, one thing remains certain,” Wilburn added. “The Wu-Tang Clan was nothing to fuck with.”
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