GPOYW - The Driving the Boat Down the Mississippi Edition

GPOYW — The even-the-cat-can’t-believe-how-good-I-look edition

GPOYSW — Gratuitous Picture of Your Shoes Wednesday.

I bought these at a thrift store last week for $10. Normally the idea of wearing someone else’s shoes grosses me out, but these were clearly almost brand new, no wear on the soles whatsoever. And now I know what it feels like to walk a mile in another man’s shoes.

GPOYW — The Viva España Edition

Self-portrait

Made with Cam+ iPhone app from photo originally snapped from my Canon SD-750

GPOYW — The Andy Sturdevant Summer Fashion Edition

GPOYW — The drunk at Art-A-Whirl edition (I’m the bearded dude riding/pushing his bike across the street because he didn’t want to fall over.)

GPOYW - the passed out in a chair, drunk edition

Back story:

It was 2002, and I’m the one in the blue shirt. It was a Friday night in spring in Arizona. Like most Friday nights back then I engaged in some imbibing. What made that Friday different from most was that after the bar closed we went to my friend Joey’s house (he’s the one triumphantly playing air guitar) and switched from beer to Wild Turkey. Historically this has never been a good move for me. Switching poisons mid-drunk usually leads to problems, and this night was no different. Somewhere around 3 or 4 a.m. my friend Brian and I passed out, and our other two “friends” thought it would be hilarious to write on us. 

An aside: it was always a standing policy with my friends that if anyone passed out with their shoes on, then they were game for whatever mischief might ensue, to avoid such shenanigans all you simply had to do was remove your footwear.

Since we both passed out with our shoes on we were fair game. After writing on us they still weren’t satisfied so they decided to put us in lawn chairs and drag us out into the front yard. That’s when photo above was taken. 

A little bit after sunrise Joey’s neighbor from across the street noticed us sitting there, apparently looking “dead” and decided to call the authorities.  When the police arrived Joey and Dave were sitting across the street smoking and enjoying the show. They explained to the female officer that it had just been a practical joke and we were just passed out. She went on to wake us up and told us to go inside. Apparently I went in and flopped down on the couch and continued sleeping, while Brian got a little belligerent since he took offense to having his slumber interrupted. 

The exchange went something like this:

“Sir, wake up, you need to go inside,” said the female officer.

“I’M A MARINE GOD DAMN IT, I DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS.” Brian felt the need to scream to make sure the officer heard him.

“You’re clearly drunk sir, please just go inside.”

“YAAAARRRRGHGHGH. I’M NOT DRUNK. WHAT’S ALL THIS SHIT ALL OVER MY FACE? I’M A MARINE GOD DAMN IT.”

At this point Brian decided to get up and walk back into the house. Joey and Dave’s pièce de résistance was then revealed. While they had written all over both of us, on Brian’s back they had drawn a giant arrow pointing down to his butt crack with the words “Insert Cock Here” above it. As he stumbled into the house the officer just started cracking up.

A couple of hours later I remember being awoken by these maniacs trying to talk me into driving down to Nogales Mexico for the day. They managed to convince Brian into it and he just jumped into the car and they drove off. I refused to go, and when I went into the bathroom a little later and discovered I had been drawn on I realized what their plan had been. Poor Brian ended up across the border with several homophobic slogans written on him in Sharpie. You can imagine how hard it is to remove permanent marker in some crappy Mexican dive bar’s bathroom with substandard plumbing.

If you read this blog with any regularity you might remember that Brian is my friend that attempted suicide earlier this year. He failed, and I’m thankful that he’s still around. Hopefully I’ll get to share some more fun times with him (sans Sharpie of course).

GPOYW - the Tigger drives edition

GPOYW - The stylish fucker standing on a street in Spain edition.

GPOYW — the driving to work edition

GPOYW  — The drunk on St. Patty’s day edition.

/ via me /

GPOYW: portrait of the Author as he thinks he may end up one day edition [w/o the literary talent of course].

This photo is amazing, you can see the life scars on Buk. It’s like an R. Crumb drawing come to life (on your computer, that is).

(via bringtheruckuss)

GPOYW

The too much whiskey at last night’s holiday party edition

GPOYW.